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How to Quit Porn Forever & Have Better Intimacy With Your Wife

How to quit porn

Many men struggle with knowing how to quit porn. One major key is to focus on having better intimate time with your wife instead. If you want your physical relationship with your wife to be absolutely amazing, I can tell you how to get there. Well, I can at least tell you how the Lord got me there and encourage you to follow a similar path.

Like most men in the US, I was exposed to pornography at a young age. Looking back, it was incredibly damaging to my sexual development. For most of my life, I had constant lustful thoughts toward women that I encountered. I also lusted after women that I saw on TV or other media. It has taken years and a good bit of work to undo some of that damage, but the benefits have been absolutely tremendous.

If you want to feel incredibly attracted to your wife, and extremely passionate toward her, God is more than happy to grant your request. I found this out a number of years ago.

How God Healed My Marriage

My wife and I had gone through major marital problems that resulted in a year-long separation and finally a divorce. But 10 days after our divorce was final, God did a miracle of restoration. He brought us back to Him and back to each other. A short time later, we were remarried and completely in love again.

However, we had not completely dealt with some of the baggage from our past, and we were not yet mature in our walk with the Lord. Early on in our second marriage, I recall one day getting frustrated that my wife didn’t want to have sex. So, I did what I had always done in the past. I turned to pornography.

Shortly after this, I felt very convicted about this sin. Also, knowing that I was being called to minister to people in various ways, I felt the Lord impressing on me that He would not be able to use me if I did not get all forms of willful sin out of my life.

That was in early 2013, a little over seven years ago. Praise God, I have not looked at anything pornographic since that time. Looking back, I can see that my deliverance and healing went well beyond just that single moment of remorse.

True repentance involved not just turning away from the sin, but also turning to God and His ways—ways that are so much better and more satisfying than anything I could have previously imagined. If you want that for yourself and your wife, I encourage you to try the same things I did.

How to Have Amazing Intimacy with Your Wife

Almost immediately after making the decision to completely turn away from the sin of pornography and lust, I remember praying, “Lord, I don’t want to lust after anyone else. Will you please take all of that attraction, all of the energy and power and impulse I feel in this area… will you please take all of my passion and direct it toward my wife?”

He began to answer that prayer immediately!

I really believe this is the kind of prayer God is absolutely thrilled to answer. It was the earnest desire of my heart to do things His way, and He was very glad to oblige. As I walked this out, I began to feel like my wife was the most beautiful woman in the world.

Without being graphic, I will just say that the more I stayed committed to not lusting—and instead being faithful to my wife in all of my thoughts and feelings—the more my attraction to her grew. There’s no way for me to exaggerate the level of attraction I feel toward my wife, or how satisfying our relationship is for me.

And it all started with that one little prayer. So I encourage you to start there. Make a commitment between just you and the Lord, and then begin to walk that out.

One thing I can remember doing is that every time I saw an attractive woman in real life, or an image of an attractive woman on TV or the computer or wherever, I would immediately pray, “Lord, please turn all of my sexual energy and passion toward my wife.”

This allowed me to redirect any thoughts or feelings from where the enemy (or my flesh) might have wanted to take them, over to where God wanted to take them instead. So this is not just a one-time thing. It’s something you’ll need to put into practice daily.

As I did this, I was thrilled with the results. My physical relationship with my wife just kept getting better and better. I realized that some of this result is just natural. It’s available to everyone, even non-Christians.

The Gift of Amazing Intimacy Is Available to All Married Couples

In God’s design for humanity, we wouldn’t be constantly seeing sexual images, or even images of beautiful women all day every day. If you think about how most people lived throughout human history, an incredibly beautiful woman was a relatively rare sight. But due to technology, we are constantly bombarded with images of beautiful women. And these are women who supplement their natural beauty with diet coaches, personal trainers, makeup artists, and the like.

If this is what we’re letting into our mind all day every day, how can we possibly expect to see the beauty God has given us in our wives? So, I began to try to limit my exposure to seeing images of beautiful women.

First, I found that it was helpful to just look away or turn the channel, especially if there was anything about the image that might incite lust. For example, a woman in a bikini on a TV show or movie. I began to adopt the attitude that I don’t want or need to see that. I don’t want or need to see anything that diminishes what I have with my wife.

If I was watching a movie with an attractive female lead, I would actively make sure I didn’t focus on her the whole time. Another thing I noticed is that certain actresses might be more attractive to me than others. So, if we were watching a movie with an actress that really caught my eye, I might even suggest that we go do something else.

Here’s a tip, guys. You don’t have to tell your wife the details in those situations. Instead, just say something like, “Hey, I don’t really feel like watching a movie anymore. I would much rather us just talk and hang out. Maybe we could play some cards and just spend time together.” Your wife is not going to say no.

Do Whatever It Takes to Quit Porn and Lust

If you are suffering from porn addiction, you will probably have to take protective measures and certain steps to truly get free. The Bible teaches that we will have to resist sin at times. Jesus said, “And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away” (Matthew 18:9). He doesn’t literally want you to gouge out your eye. But He uses a strong metaphor to communicate that we have to be willing to do whatever it takes to cut sin out of our lives.

One practical example I can recall was when I would go to the gym at our apartment complex. This was back when I had first begun making these changes. There were often attractive college-aged females laying out by the pool in bikinis. The gym is lined with long, clear glass windows. The pool is just on the other side of those windows.

Most of the time, I found that I could just get on a certain machine and stay at a certain angle, and I could manage alright that way. In other words, I could keep my eyes from seeing what I knew was over there.

But on particular days, I might just have to leave and go do a different type of workout somewhere else. That little inconvenience was well worth it for the benefits to my marriage. No way was I going to let a few thoughts get in the way of how God was blessing my relationship with my wife.

If you are going to places that cause you any kind of struggle, ask the Lord what alternatives there might be. He will show you what to do.

But of course, you can use your own common sense too. If you know that the gym you’re going to is full of attractive females in tight clothing—and that causes you some issues—then go to a different gym. Do your workouts outside or even at home. Whatever you have to do.

Change the Way You Think About Women

Another thing I remember doing is asking God to change the way that I thought about women in general. I asked that He would help me to see them as precious children of God. As it related to women that I knew were Christians, maybe women at church or worship leaders or singers or whatever, I would always ask, “God, please help me to view and think of these ladies as sisters.”

Whenever I noticed that I had a thought or feeling of attraction toward a woman, I would often say to myself something like, “Nope. That is not my wife. She is my sister. That lady is someone else’s wife. I will not look at her with any kind of lust or any inappropriate thoughts.”

As I grew in this area, and God began changing me, what I found over time was that it is possible to appreciate a woman’s beauty without there being anything sexual or inappropriate about it.

Early on, you should probably focus on taking your thoughts captive and moving your eyes elsewhere. But at some point, as you grow in freedom and maturity, you’ll be able to see a beautiful lady and say something like, “Lord, you sure are amazing. You create beauty in so many different ways and it all brings you glory. Thank you for the gift of beauty.”

Here’s the thing that is so completely wild: You will actually mean every word of that—truly free of any kind of struggle with lust.

Key Steps to Getting Free of Porn and Lust

I’d like to summarize the key points here that I hope can help my brothers quit porn forever and have a fulfilling and exciting “intimate life” with their wives instead:

  1. Ask God to help you turn away from pornography and all forms of lust.
  2. Actively practice looking away from anything that stirs up lust. Replace your normal modes of thought and action with prayer.
  3. Pray specifically that God will turn all of your attraction, sexual energy, and passion toward your wife. Ask that He would make her the most attractive woman in the world to you.
  4. Ask the Lord to help you avoid real-life situations that might cause you to struggle. Take steps to cooperate with his solutions, and employ your own good sense to avoid places or situations that might be problematic.
  5. Ask God to help you view women as precious children of God rather than objects of lust.
  6. And last but perhaps most important, you need tools and accountability. Here is the best tool I know of to help you quit porn.

Tools and Accountability to Help You Quit Porn

The best tool I know of available to men today is a device monitoring and blocking service called Covenant Eyes. Covenant Eyes does two things. First, it blocks known pornography and explicit websites. Second, if you do receive or access any kind of pornographic or explicit images on any of your devices, Covenant Eyes will send a report with a blurred image to the accountability partner of your choice.

Covenant Eyes is a very low-cost monthly monitoring service that has helped millions of men get free of pornography addiction. You can receive a free 30-day trial of Covenant Eyes right now. Just click on this link and (when prompted) use the promo code: CALLED

By signing up for Covenant Eyes, you will be taking a major step toward a new life. And it’s hard to argue with free. Just try it for one month and see if your marriage doesn’t start to change.

Once you grasp the things I outline in this article and find the freedom and blessing available to you, you will be free of porn forever. The reason you’ll be free forever is that the alternative is so good, you wouldn’t dream of ever going back to it.

Chris McKinney
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